Sunday, May 13, 2018

the gift of being a mom...

friends, this is a long one. i have come to you a few times in the past year with posts baring my soul reflecting the changes we are going through. i have shared that we are closing when our lease expires in august and likely going on the road.
my vision of what that looked like was sarah and me in our sewcial van wrapped in a bright quilt, pulling our happier campier with our goodies creatively packed, high tailing it across route 66. thelma and louise style. in all my dreams that idea was fun and exhilarating.
but not so much for sarah.
she's a home dweller. she likes routine. she loves grandpa and her puppies. she feels most secure in her own bed. and slowly i recognized my vision of truck stops and camp grounds was just not going to cut it for her.
and so i decided i might as well close up shop and head back full steam into my former career. i started scoping job wanted websites. i started mildly networking. and with that came return phone calls. it seems there are still lots of organizations looking for a good fundraiser or two. even crisis oriented social workers. then i thought perhaps it was time to roll up my sleeves and begin the process of seeking a phd.
during this time we met with a realtor to put our family house on the market. she wanted some clothes hanging in the master closet for staging purposes. so i pulled out my professional wardrobe that was nicely packed in plastic. it looked great in the closet, yet it left me feeling nothing. almost numb. strange i thought. i used to love those suits.
all this while i have been searching for someplace to store our shop props. i wasn't sure what we were doing but i also recognized that i wasn't ready to sell off the furniture just yet. when i realized how much space i needed to accommodate it all, it was a tad overwhelming. we also looked for new store frontage. but i just wasn't sure that i wanted to keep doing this retail thing.
early one evening, a follower who i vaguely know decided to change her review of us on facebook from a five star to a three star. the only three star we have. i had no idea why she would want to do that as she never comes into the store.
still i let her displeasure get under my skin. i let it fester for a few days. then used it to confirm i was closing up shop. i just couldn't do this anymore. so i wrote about my sadness on facebook. and within moments comments came rolling in lifting me back up. i can't tell you how much that meant to me.
then out of the blue, a comment came into a post i had written on sarah's blog several years ago. it was thanking me for giving this new mom of a child born with down syndrome hope for the future. she revealed that her first months had been really hard. oh how i could relate.
and so i read my own post again.
all alone in the quietness of the evening, i scrolled through forever in holland, tears streaming down my face. in my own words i read how at one time i had a career plan that was going to make me a star. i had everything mapped out of how life was going to be. and then i read this paragraph...
"...That the miracle of your (sarah) birth was just the beginning for me. A fresh start to a grand and glorious life. I do wish I had realized sooner, that you were sent to teach me. To allow me to see the light through your eyes. To feel your love, a love like none other. It is so pure. So precious. So unconditional. If only I had been given just a glimpse of the bright and beautiful woman you were to be. I'm learning sweetheart. I need your patience for me to truly appreciate the plan that was outlined for us. God has known all along where we are going."
yes indeed. and within a few short days i had my sarah standing next to me in a retail space that i have been told was being held just for us. i first inquired about it on the 4th of january. then dismissed it many times over. i kept making deals with myself that it couldn't work, shouldn't work, i didn't want it to work, yet i kept being lead back to it. the location truly could not be more ideal for us. the set up is more than adequate.
so we finally went in. as i watched my sarah exclaim excitement over a washer and dryer hook up, followed by a water fountain, i just knew.

within seconds my vision of the radio blasting, cactus rolling along side the desert highway with cool wind in my hair, was replaced with a vision of sarah, her new Ds friends, and young girl scouts happily stitching pillowcases and being able to immediately wash and dry them. which means we will be able to get the cases into the hands of sick kiddos quicker and likely with greater frequency.
so on the eve of mother's day i confirmed with the landlord that we will indeed take his space. our quilting boutique and sarah's sewcial lounge will continue. our pillowcase mission in memory or kristen kirton will have a new permanent home.
it's a five year commitment, which seems long to me. yet having the privilege of being a mom to sarah is a lifetime commitment. so, so very grateful to have her in my life.
wishing all our friends and customers a wonderful mother's day. may you make new memories today and remember all the good times of yesteryear.

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